patience and promises

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I have a little friend that saved my schedule everyday. This friend reminds me what I need to do, things I need to mail, work training events, doctor appointments (there are always those).  This little friend is my planner.  It’s a paper planner.  I learned of my need for one of these in high school.

I used to forget things all the time. I’ve shown up late and a week early to events more than once in my life. Only in the last four years have I gone back to the planner. Although I’ve always had a home calendar with all things written, I needed something I could take with me.  Enter my recent planner obsession.

My best-laid plans still fail.

A few day ago Josie had physical therapy.  We signed in, waited a few minutes, and out came the therapist to inform us that we were an hour and a half late.

Perfect.

Thankfully, he had another patient not show up at all.  We had our session.  Driving an hour to see the PT didn’t turn out bad.

The very next day I wasn’t so lucky.  I drove another hour to take Isabel for oral surgery.  This time the mistake wasn’t my fault.  They informed me that we were a week early when I know that I didn’t schedule it on that day since I am scheduled to work then.

My favorite.

Isabel wasn’t too sad about it.  She hasn’t been looking forward to the surgery.  I for one was not excited. I could think of nothing but the fact that I on;y came to town for this.  I wasted two hours of my life driving for nothing.  Nothing.  I was so upset by this mistake.  I have so little “extra” time in my life right now.  Shall I mention how disrupted school was because of this?

Driving home I was reminded that I’m impatient.  God is always reminding me of this in His gentle way.

He reminds me that I need to release control. I need to relax.  He whispers to me to let things be.  To rest.  His soft prodding compels me to sabbath.  I’m so task-oriented.  What I took from the hour drive on the way home was the promise of his presence.

He’s there when I’m checking things off my list.  He’s there when I’m sharing moments with the kids.  Still, He makes himself known during a scary call at work.  He’s there when I royally mess up.   He gives me victories through his grace.

His promises never fail.

He promises to never leave me or forsake me.

He knows that plans He has for me to strengthen me and prosper me. To give me a hope and a future.

He is with me, even to the ends of the Earth.

I know these truths.  These are the thoughts and verses that come to mind when life seems overwhelming.  Life is so hard, and busy, and tiring.  God is so easy, and still and restoring.

Our lives aren’t meant to be flawless.  The Holy Spirit guides and directs us the The Father through all situations, if we are keen to listen. Do you need to hear this now?  I know I do.   I constantly need the reassurance that I’m not stepping out-of-place in my walk.

I thrive on knowing that patience is being worked in me through all the hurdles that come my way on this race of life.

I rest and refresh in the promises of God.

Just when I am at the peak of frustration and inconvenience, God paints a rainbow across the farm.  Our happy place of the world that he has provided so well for us.  The peace of coming home after a day’s travel to see the reminder of all that hope that is in Him, works just a tad more patience in this wild heart of mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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relying on who you’re not

IMG_4447IMG_4454 Last weekend we had our friends over. Both of these friends are artists.  I’m talking about painting and drawing type of artists.  That’s not something I would classify myself as “accomplished” at.

My friend asked me if they could bring over supplies to make slime with.  Supplies like beads, sequins, and glitter.

I admit that my insides tightened at the mention of loose glitter coming into my house.   Ever since Olivia poured chunky glitter into her eyes as a toddler twice in one week, glitter of the loose sort has been banned from our house.

Banned.

Glitter glue…okay.  Flaky, loose glitter that sticks to you for weeks…nope.

Here we are, years later with glitter of every shape and color on our kitchen table.

Why?  What has changed in me to allow this abominable craft medium back into our household?

Nothing, really.

Nothing has really changed in me and my thoughts towards glitter.  What has changed is my perspective on what I believe about how my kids are shaped by others.

What’s important for me to remember is that I’m not the only person that has something to teach or offer my children. Everyone that my little peanuts are exposed to have different gifts, experiences, and learning opportunities they can absorb.  I’m not always the “fun mom” that I idealistically want to be.  I can get around this deficit in my personality.  I can allow people who are gifted and passionate about horribly messy crafts and activities the blessing of sharing their excitement with my kiddos.

I know I’m not alone in this distaste of glitter.  The husband of said friend called loose glitter the “herpes of crafts”.

Spreads, can’t get rid of it.

You get the idea.

I was thankful that God pressed on my heart to let someone else do the “fun” thing with my kids. Even my teens couldn’t resist the sparkly mound of activities. Do you have friends like this?  Are you that friend yourself?

I’m happy and grateful to rely on people that I’m not.  It’s truly freeing to rest in who and what I am, and let others do the same.  I believe we all have great things to offer each other.  I don’t need to be all that things myself.

Are you feeling this in your life?  I feel it’s so tempting to try to be the “superwomen” mama.  I find that role so exhausting and unfulfilling. Instead, I want to send up a bat signal when I’m noticing something the kids need that I can’t provide.  I want to call for help and have someone else meet their need alongside me.  I aim to use my resources to expose them to things I would put off or avoid altogether.

You know what?  I am totally willing to do the same for people in my life.  Just as a marriage is made of two different people working towards a common goal, friendships and child-rearing can be the same. Two gifts or talents being exchanged to better the children we long to raise as well as we can.

Don’t carry every burden of this perfect mama illusion you see plastered on the internet. You are enough for your tiny humans.  Every has a special gift to offer another.  Rely on who you are not. That mama is plenty.

 

 

what’s on the needles: park fun edition

IMG_3993IMG_3996IMG_4010IMG_4012IMG_4002I admit to being the sort of mama who doesn’t always enjoy going to the park.  I feel like getting ready to watch the kids play is too much effort.  I’d much rather stay in me pj’s and be barefooted while knitting inside and glancing out the window.   The thing about city life id that it’s not all about me, right?  I kids LOVE the park and so I must oblige them as often as possible.  This truly keeps us all sane.  Cabin fever is a frequent ailment these days.

I’m trying to be better.  Better at self-sacrifice, effort when I’m tired, letting them be kids, ignoring the fact that out seven brushes are never to be found, better at calm.  I’m attempting to train into my heart more slow, more thankfulness, more heart swelling moments of pleasure. More enjoyment.

After all there is always something to enjoy.

This day I enjoyed this:

Feeling proud of Josie Bean for all the physical accomplishments she had been though.  I’m proud of her for simply being able to ride her bike.

I feel happy to see the kids playing with friends at the park, and friends who share their super fun Christmas gifts such as hover boards.

I found excitement in watching a bunch of neighborhood kids use their imaginations.

I was surprised and joyful to watch my boys playing basketball with each other when they could’ve played with someone else.  They preferred each other!

I felt relaxed knitting in the warmth of the winter sun this beautiful pattern.  I look forward to wrapping up in this knit so very much.