back where we thrive

We’re back.

Back at our farm. Back to homeschooling. Back to what we love and thrive at.

It is completely where we belong.

I shared already about our decision to go back to homeschooling here. We are three weeks in, and I am pleasantly surprised and relieved that things are going very well.

Yes, I still work FULL time and I work outside the home.  I haven’t had a mental break-down or screamed at any precious humans.  In fact, I would say the opposite is happening.

I sat on my porch this morning and listened while sipping that magnificent first cup of coffee. I listened to the distant hum of a center pivot slowly watering a crop of cotton.  Birds of all sorts were chirping and flitting back and forth.  I even enjoyed the birds that were louder and slightly annoying.  You know the sort, right?  The ones that squawk. Yeah, even they seemed nice today.

Coyotes howled and screeched as the early sunlit horizon warmed my face.  Hornets buzzed and floated on the (less warmer then usual) air.   I’m certainly not going to call it “crisp”, “Fall”, or “cool”.  It’s still Southern AZ I live in.

This may sound terrifying to those of you who didn’t grow up in the Southwest.  Coyotes, hornets, squawking birds in September. Fear not! I was in no harm.  I was in my blissful place.

The point is this.  I haven’t sat in such silence for a year. I haven’t heard the sounds of nature and farming country for too long.  Something that refreshes my soul has been gone.  Nature.  I really can’t do too much city.  I feel closest and most appreciative of God and who He is when I see it everyday in this form.

Gratitude and peace overwhelm me here.  I heard, feel and witness that glory of creation daily at the farm.  Maybe that’s what I personally need.  I see so much devastation and destruction in my line of work.  I see the worst people in society, I see the moments in humanity that impacts the future of a family.

A lost life, a mangled arm, a new life.

The most amazing and tragic days are my job. Also, some pretty disgusting humans are out there to grace me with their issues.

I need a refresh. I need a long drive to unwind, and to prepare.

I think that’s why I breathe in the refreshing scenes and sounds out here.  I breathe deeply and often.  Intentionally.

I know I’m not alone.  The kiddos took roughly 30 seconds of living out here to soak it in and get right back to catching toads, frogs, and bugs.  Day one there was a teen eating dinner in the tree.

They PLAY!

I can’t tell you how much having a rock backyard the size of a postage stamp muffled the energy out of these five children.  Their energy was turned on each other- not in a great way.

Now they all have room to spread out and explore, create, have fun.  Together.  They are choosing each other!  It’s like a miracle has occurred here.

Listen when I say this.  They still bicker.  Space doesn’t cure everything.  It just has given them more options.  :)

I love how they can open the door and go outside.  I’m not worried about them getting kidnapped from our yard.  I’m not worried about them getting hit by a car while riding their bikes.  I’m not worried that someone is going to come into our yard at night.  I’m not worried that they are playing too loud.  I’m not worried about my dog barking.   I’m not worried in general.  Some may think that living out in the middle of nowhere is scary.

Isolating.

Unsafe.

I would argue that the more people you are around the more unsafe you are.

We have all isolated ourselves in the “safety” of our city house for a year.  Going outside has been planned instead of organically happening.  You can’t go to the park without an adult.  We have driven around the streets of a neighborhood that is “family friendly” for a year.  You don’t see families in their yards.  The streets are vacant. No one sits on their front porch.  I wouldn’t recognize more than 3 neighbors.  I never saw even a glimpse of them.  They drive into their garages, shut the door, and are never seen.  Seriously!  Who have we been living next to?

If you are a city person, that’s great!  I’m not.  I don’t know how to feel the same things and live the same way with all the crowds.  I’m so thankful that we aren’t being called to that right now.  We have seen what the city has to offer and we have declined.  We have come full circle to the place we have all loved for so many years.  We have grown here, just as lush as a beautiful garden.  We have lost here.  We have become different here.  We have loved it.  Every bit has changed us into the family that we are now.

I feel a stirring again inside.  I movement that causes reflection.  I can hear a whisper of my voice coming back to me.  I haven’t felt like this for so long!

Maybe it was the stress of college, life, busyness of the city, goals.   Whatever it was, it’s going away.  My love for writing has never left me, but my ability to express it faded for too long.  Maybe I just had nothing to say.   This place sparks instant inspiration.

We are simply free here.  We are free to play, learn, refresh our souls.

We are free to thrive in an environment that tells us daily, ” You belong here”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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moving to the city

If you haven’t been here long, you my not know. I’ll share with you a not-so-secret.  I’m a planner.  I love things in my head being organized and thought out well.  I like to have a paper planner.  Old school style.  We have moved 7 previous times in 15 years with lots of time and help and organized lists, labeled boxed by room and most important contents, all utilities changed ahead of time ect.  This time was much different.

Though we had planned on moving for a few months, I was in school and couldn’t even consider looking at a box until I graduated.  So, we moved in two weeks.  Two weeks from nothing packed to sleeping in a new home.  I had to let lots of things go.

Today is our fifth day living in our new house in the city.  Guess what?  I still have all the utilities on at the old house.  That’s right.  Everything’s a mess.  Well, to me anyways.  I tried to take care of the rest of the list I had made today, but it’s in Nick;s name, so he has to do it.

It’s out of my hands.

I’m learning that most things are nowadays.  It’s so much a bad thing.

I am forced to relinquish control over my life in small details, and big ones as well.  This causes me to have to make peace with where I am and who really is in charge.

Despite my efforts to have every details thought and planned, I make a mess that only God can clean up.

I hadn’t looked at my planner or a calendar for a week. I forgot about appointments that inconvenienced a certain person…that made me feel awful.

I got sick right at moving time.

Josie had a urgent medical appoint I had to drive 1.5 hours to (she’s going to be fine), Isabel had to be taken to the urgent care and ER (She will also be fine), and I felt like giving up the ghost by the end of it all.

I’m not truly in control.  There are things I forget due to my human mind, events that you are unable foresee, and it ‘s hard predict how you will feel or how much energy you’ll have.

It’s not all about me or my plans and schedule.  Sometimes it’s about forgetting all that and just enjoying a moment in time.  Rest when you are forced to rest.  Be made to train your high-strung pup who is terrified of all the houses in the city. Just let it go.

Me.  I need to let go and just enjoying moving to the city.