Learning this week has been slow-going. Partly because of sickness (cranky kids), and partly due to the mess in the schoolroom (will it ever end?), and mostly because of me. When mama feels discouraged it is hard it invoke excitement to the rest of the class. I’m not feeling ill towards school, not in the least. The problem lies within the rest of the house.
Have you ever seen the Hoarders show? Yeah, I don’t want that happening here. How do people live like that? I’m really exaggerating here just so you know. Anyways, I have been really trying to muster up the energy to get this house in order. I have, in the past, tried to live up to that “cleanliness is close to Godliness” motto. Because it became somewhat of an idol to me, I went the other direction.
I find myself currently behind in laundry, cleaning, and dishes…oh the dishes. I realize that in a large family messes do happen. Many of them, in fact. Many, many, messes. I feel it is far too much work for one person. I have been struggling to do all these tasks, when in reality I am spinning my wheels. Something has to change right? I mean, I can’t even find the charger for my camera. I can always find at least that. Clutter is like being trapped. No room to breath. No room to live.
Today I’ve come to realize that God is trying to teach me something. I clearly have not heeded to the lesson. I cannot allow my house to become an idol, and certainly I’m not to become a A&E special. Balance. That is what I need. Balance. How do I find balance? This seems to be such a huge topic for many other bloggers I have read. What to do, what to do?
Making up a cleaning schedule has worked for me in the past; however, I feel defeated when it doesn’t all get done. For some this may be a great option, it was for me until baby five came. I’ve recently tried the wait for it to get bad and then do something about method. I found that the entire house gets equally bad, and I haven’t the energy and time to do it all at once.
I write here today in absolute surrender. I must humble myself to the will of God even in this. Even if it means working more than I want. Even if I have no energy, or motivation. After all, if I view my job at home as a job, then I need to act as if it is a job. In other words, I can’t call in sick everyday. I can’t be unproductive. When I’m “at work” I need to be moving. Yes, I do get breaks, but they are just that. I can no longer “listen to my body” and sit down whenever I feel the least bit tired. I have learned that there is a fine line between a break and idleness.
I really have to watch myself…this I know. I tend to view things in black and white only. I can’t work so much and so hard that my children suffer. I can’t become a “workaholic”, but I definitely need to work a bit more. I can work graciously and make it fun for everyone. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve cleaning the house. I still know all the words to the Eagles, Kenny Rogers, Linda Ronstadt, Micheal Jackson, and Air Supply records (yes records) that used to play while we cleaned.
All I’m sayin’ is I think I have given into the “you have five kids” and you need to have “you time” a little too much. These things are true, yet they are not an excuse to clock out.
And so, I find myself at the end of this school week being the one who’s learning the most. Learning to let go, learning to hold on and learning the balance of a comfortable home. One in which learning, baking, laughing, and loving is upheld in a semi-organized fashion.
P.S. Don’t be hatin’ on the music I mentioned. I really love all of these records. I hope I’ll be able to brainwash my kids into loving it as well. More on this later.