who I am

In the middle of an everyone’s crying moment (while still wearing my PJ’s– which I still am), caught in the middle of “I’m going to lose it” and “I’m so blessed to have such great children” I was reminded of a story.  I never completely understand why these reminders come at such times, but they often do.  The Lord is so kind and gentle to quietly remind me of, me.

I remembered.

I wasn’t alwayS the “Jesus Freak” that I am now.  No, no, no.  Completely the opposite in fact.  I was a Jesus opposer.  It was the dumbest thing I could think of.  There was certainly no God, and I was convinced.  It’s ironic, really.  Here I am 10.5 years later a pastor’s wife!?:)  I answered a question July 26, 2000.  “Who do you say that I am?”

Let me explain, before I explain.

I am a nerd.  A big one.  I love to research.  If I wonder about something– How to doorknobs work?  How many people live in Rhode Island?  Why don’t people invent something so toilet covers don’t loosen? ect.–  I find out the answer.  I still don’t know the answer to the last question…anyone?

When I wanted to know the “meaning of life” I researched.  It started out with science, then philosophy, until it ultimately lead to the Bible.  Where better to research than the library right?  I checked out every movie available on the Bible, Jesus, and religion.  I actually watched them.  All 15 or so.  I was still confused.  Maybe even more confused than when I set out.  I did have options about who Jesus was.  A teacher, a prophet, a nice guy who lived long ago, a myth, a fraud.

Then I heard it.  The call to come.  I answered.  Ultimately, I answered the most important question of my life.  I had ideas about what everyone else thought of Jesus, but I had to answer that question for myself.  I answered, “Lord.”

Here’s the story that kept running though my mind today in the middle of a near breakdown.

“And it came to pass, as he was alone praying, his disciples were with him: and he asked them, saying, Whom say the people that I am? They answering said, John the Baptist; but some say, Elias; and others say, that one of the old prophets is risen again. He said unto them, But whom say ye that I am? Peter answering said, The Christ of God.”  Luke 9:18-20.

What a gift to know Him for who He is.  These words spoke peace into my heart today.  I hope you are blessed as well.