Today I was going to post about what I’ve been cooking or baking, or share a garden update, but all that seems to not matter as much now. Miss Josie’s X-Ray report came in today. It said words like Platyspondyly, deossification, and the dreaded hypoplastic ondontoid. I was going to calmly tell Nick the news, but as I told him I broke apart. I was going to really lose it, but his prayers and words calmed my heart.
It’s ironic really. Just last week I was thinking to myself about the cycle of following Jesus. At first it’s a high. An enthusiastic energy that can not be stopped. A consuming fire. As years pass and everyday reality sets in there seems to be times of trials in which we grow closer to God, followed by peaceful rivers of contentment. I was thinking how peaceful and easy life seemed just then. I knew immediately a storm was coming. I never know what they are, but it never fails that this thought come to mind. God whispers “I’ll be there, don’t worry”. That’s when I know it will be a big storm.
I know trials mold be and shape me into the women that God would have me be. I truly welcome them. I’m confident that my God knows all. He knows what’s best for me…for us. I trust Him. I love Him. I thank Him through teary eyes and fearful heart that all will be well. No matter what, He will never leave me. An ever-present help in times of trouble.
I don’t blindly go where He goes. I know exactly where we’re going. I don’t know what it looks like, but I am certain it’s a place where He is my Lord, and I am his servant. It’s a place that cannot be imagined, yet I can already see that I’ll love Him more. I’m going with Jesus through some suffering that leads to joy. He’s taking me on a path unknown to a place I’ve been before…surrender. I love where we’re going, but I don’t want to ride the train.
Will there be surgery? How will we pay for it (blasted insurance company!), will she be scared, will I be? When? Where? Goodness! The bombardment flows through my head. Pray Jennee. You are a fool to wrestle with the invisible. You cannot control it. Maybe it won’t be so bad. People are around you to love. Love them. Love the doctors, love the nurses, love the other parents going though even worse. They are the mission field. Be thankful. Thankful for her. Thankful for professionals, thankful for everything. Everything? Yes.
As our family takes this journey with Jesus, I ask for your faithful prayers. I know that miracles are only from God. I ask Him for them now. Will you join me? From a mother’s heart to yours, I pour myself to you, my faithful readers. Some of you are dear friends, some of you are dear strangers. Knowing you’re there is so very comforting. Knowing He is there is so calming. Jesus let your name be glorified. “To whom shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life” ~John 6:68