1. You can breath, but your bladder has shrunk to the size of a walnut. You are rushing to the bathroom and 1 tbs comes out.
2. You can’t find your ankle bones despite all the watermelon you eat
3. Everyone in the room is bundled in a blanket, except you, who is drinking ice water and sweating from pores you didn’t know existed
4. You get so tired you can barely keep your eyes open, then 5 minutes later you are scrubbing down the baseboards with enthusiasm
5. You eat entire pineapples to put yourself into labor
6. You make your food extra spicy to put yourself into labor
7. You go for more frequent walks to put yourself into labor
8. You wonder why you’re not in labor
9. Even your flip-flops are getting uncomfortable
10. You wish you could get paid for emotional suffering every time someone asks, “You’re still pregnant?”
11. You have to hold your breath and thrust forward to paint your toenails
12. Panic sets in if you can’t find all your sleeping pillows.
13. Nothing fits. You have nothing to wear
14. You go through makeup like crazy because your face is twice the size it used to be
15. You can’t wait to be in the worst pain of your life